Troubles

Oh Lordy, my troubles so hard
Oh Lord, my troubles so hard

Oh Lordy, (my troubles) ooh, (Lord), oh
Oh Lord, (my troubles) ooh (troubles so hard)
Oh Lordy, (my troubles) ooh, (Lord), oh
Oh Lord, (my troubles) ooh (troubles so hard)

I don't reach into the past very much
For these shards of shattered glass and harsh paper cuts
Leave me stuck when I reach in memories are seeped in
Hydrochloric acid, I go to war and get passive

And freeze up, music helped the ice to thaw
Put the chisel in the middle, swing the hammer of Thor
Pull it out of the impossible, Excalibur sword
Etching note pads full of reasons why my feelings are sore

The first day that I got sick, ejected from cockpit of living
19, young teen, waking up bitten
Posters up, manhunt, Ren went missing
Hard to have faith when the gods don't listen

The first year maybe was the hardest
Waking in the body that was buried like a carcass
Brain in the lion's den, body in a shark pit
Waking up in pain again, aching, broken-hearted

Persistent little bugger, I was bouncing from a doctor
To a doctor to a doctor, like a table tennis game that has no end
So be the fate of Ren
Every single question answered with a question on the end

The second year I came to terms with giving up my dreams
Mind was severed from the means that helped me write these rhyme schemes
Brain was inflamed, the fatigue was crushing
Hard to remain sane with your brain combusting

And the third year was murder, living in a purga-
'Tory full of worry, wouldn't live to be 30
Lifestyle hurt me (yah), always in my bed tomb
Re-arrange the alphabet and all the letters spell "doom"

Light hurt my eyes, popping pills to survive
When you're 23 and mentally, you steadily decline
24, I was poor, disability benefits
What's the benefit of disability? It's irrelevant

25 and the scars that were etched, they cracked
Elastic bands only stretch so far and then snap
Deep in psychosis, hallucinations, troubled vision
Visits from the underworld were conjuring my superstition

25, living back at home with my mum
But not because I'm a bum, alone and physically done
So thin, so frail, so weak I'd become
And my skin so pale, never kissed by the sun

One time I carved a hole in my chest, just to feel
I wish that was a metaphor, the struggle was real
When you're living in the Holocaust, you buckle and kneel
There's relief in the teeth of the kiss of cold steel

Fact, 26, I'm highly medicated and the pain sophisticated
While I'm laying broken, naked on my back
I brought my microphone into my coffin, started droppin'
Raw thoughts with the grim reaper knocking on the track

Then man, lo and behold
I heard an angel beckon on this treacherous road
Was a stem cell doctor with a generous glow
And a cell transplant brought me out of the cold

And my skin got younger and my body got stronger
And my stomach felt hunger for a door that was closed
And my soul heard music for the first time
Beauty was a word I'd use for this gift of gold

Oh Lord, I forgive You, Lord, I forgive You
Lord, I forgive You, make me whole
This music I give You, pain that I live through
Everything I've been through is Yours to hold

Oh Lordy, my (troubles), troubles so hard
Oh Lord, my (troubles), troubles so hard
Don't nobody know my troubles but God
Don't nobody know my troubles but God

Troubles so hard, troubles so hard
Troubles so hard, troubles (so hard)

I gave up the struggle, and I gave up this trouble
And I gave up the struggle, and I gave up this trouble
And I gave up the struggle, and I gave up this trouble
And I gave up this, gave up this, gave up this, oh

Oh Lordy, my
Oh Lordy, my troubles so hard