Blood In The Water

Now, when you choose a law career
The moment you embark
There is that joke you're bound to hear
"A lawyer is a shark"
Ignore that, it's simplistic and it's dumb
Only some of you will turn out sharks, just some
The rest are chum

Our topic is
Blood in the water
Kids, it's time you faced
Law school is a waste
Oh yes, unless you acquire a taste for
Blood in the water
Dark and red and raw
You're nothing until the thrill of the kill
Becomes your only law

Mr. Schultz
Hypothetical question
Would you be willing to defend
The following banker accused of fraud?

A kind old grandma took her savings and she sent it
Off to your client, all she saved since she was born
Well he promised to invest it, but he spent it
On prostitutes and heroin and porn

No, I would not want to take that case!
Wrong! This one is a win unless you're lazy
Grandma's broke, she'll have some hack from legal aid
Put her on the stand and call her old and crazy
Your guy goes free and he can get you high and laid

Look for the blood in the water
Read your Thomas Hobbs
Only spineless snobs
Will quarrel with the morally dubious jobs
Yes, blood in the water
Your scruples are a flaw

Ms. Hoopes
Hypothetical question
Would you be the right lawyer
For the following client?

Say they offer you a bundle for defending
A famous hitman for the mafia elite
Seems he missed his chosen prey
Killed a nun and drove away
Running over three cute puppies in the street

What, you think I wouldn't defend him
Just because he's a typical man?
Oh, you lesbians think you're so tough
Uh, but-

Oh dear, I fear my comment has offended
Hard to argue, though, when you're too mad to speak
Your employment will be very quickly ended
When they see how your emotions make you weak

So, what's my point? I run a billion dollar law firm!
And I hire four new interns every year
From this class, I will select
Four young sharks whom I respect
And those four will have a guaranteed career
Do you follow me?

So, I wanna see, what?
(Blood in the water)
Exactly, let the games begin
Four of you will win
But just those four with a dorsal fin
Yes, blood in the water
So, fight and scratch and claw

Yes, Ms., uh?
Woods, Elle Woods
Someone's had their morning coffee
Would you summarize the case of
State of Indiana v. Hurn from your reading?

Oh, I wanted to answer the puppy question
But I'm asking you about the assigned reading
Okay, who assigns a reading for the first day of class?
You have guts, Ms. Woods

Ms. Kensington?
Let's say you teach a class at Harvard Law School
A position that you're justly proud about
But a girl on whom you call
Hasn't read the case at all
Should you let it go or-
No, I'd throw her out

Alright, then
You heard your classmate
You have just been killed
She cut your throat, so grab your coat
Yes, you've got guts but
Now they're spilled, your
Blood's in the water
So, would you please withdraw?
And if you return
Be ready to learn
Or is it unfair?
Oh wait, I don't care!
That's just how I rule
In life and in school
With fear and shock and gall!

You're nothing until (blood in the water)
The thrill of the kill (blood in the water)
Becomes
Your only law! (Blood in the water)
Your only law! (Blood in the water)
Your only law! (Blood in the water)
(Blood in the water!)