Santa Comes Once a Year (And so Do I)

All year long's a misery
No love to get me through the day
But there's just one day a year where some take pity
'Tis the season for giving, I'm pained to say...

Santa cums once a year and so do I
Don't matter if you look me in the eye
I'll fill you up with Christmas cheer
Maybe even in the rear
Santa cums once a year and so do I

As some of you may know until that winter season snow
It's hard to get so much as a blow this side of town
But when Santa's on his way, all the freaks come out to play
And any standards stowed away, so we get down
Slam back frothy eggnog drinks, please don't take too long to think
I'm sure my South Pole doesn't stink; we've come this far
And you could turn the other way, I wont get any any other day
St. Nick and I will just be at the bar

364 other days I might as well have leprosy
But today I get to deck your halls, it's the greatest gift to me

Santa cums once a year and so do I
Rest of the year all I do is cry
I set aside my trusty sock
For one night a year I get my rocks off
Santa cums once a year and so do I

Mrs. Clause is holding out, St. Nick and I ain't got no clout
No matter how we cry and pout, I'll tell ya why
'Cause come December 25th, folks look out for an easy gift
Do the thing that lifts our spirits with a sigh
I may not be a pretty sight
Yet you play with my candy cane through the night
And if only by candlelight, I still thank you
'Cause even with bags over my head, you wishing that you were dead
Good tidings you will have spread; I feel brand new

Santa, please I'm beggin', shouldn't be the only one on my knees
Wrap me up some prostitutes pre-screened for STDs
Oh, yeah...

Santa cums once a year and so do I
It can't be healthy to be this backed up inside
My load of snow will be like hail
Even Rudolph's getting tail
Santa cums once a year and so do I

I'm pretty broke, kinda weird, and slightly overweight
But none of that makes a difference on this most joyous date
Because...

Santa cums once a year and so do I
Santa cums once a year and so do I
Jews fill eight days with delight
Those with Kwanza get laid every night, but
Santa cums once a year and so do I
One more time, with some Christmas spirit everybody!

Santa cums once a year and so do I
Santa cums once a year and so do I
Santa knows a loners plight
So once a year he sets things right
Santa cums once a year and so do I
God bless us, everyone!