The Abyss

Uh, everything I did, I always gave my best
I don't know if anyone relates but the feelin' that I get, it's like a truck sittin' on my chest
Wonderin', how much do I got left? My last call, my last step
I'm not gonna wait just to see what's next
I go hard 'cause today could be my last breath

We do life, and we can't relive it (can't relive it)
We only get one chance, if you blink then you might just miss it (I swear you'll miss it)
Many people come and go, they all just visit
Don't ever expect nothin' different
Just listen as I paint this image that you'll all revisit
Yeah, my glass half empty, but I still might sip it

I was traumatized
What would you've said when you was lookin' in my mama's eyes? Yeah, nothin'
Yeah, I might've said I was okay, but I probably lied, yeah
So this pain is how I harmonize
Make an impact, that's what I personify
Yes, I'm makin' music that you cannot just define by the numbers on my Spotify

All of this pain, I just wanna be happy
Mom almost died the same day that she had me
Drivin' to the hospital, she swerved and crashed badly
Doctor said I was a miracle while lookin' at my daddy
I was zero when I first dodged death
I was six when the devil told me to watch my step
Couldn't sleep, I was scared to go inside my bed
Fightin' demons, I was hearin' things inside my head

So back to the doctor, he didn't have a diagnosis
So my whole damn life I felt lost while fightin' psychosis
Talkin' to myself, hopin' nobody would notice
Mom said, pray every time I heard the voices
Life or death, everyday I swear I made choices (I made choices, man)
Life in my hand tryin' not to lose focus, playin' basketball religiously to drown out the noise

Let me explain that it's like layin' on train tracks
Grabbin' guns, contemplatin' blowin' your brain back
Eyes closed shut, watchin' everythin' fade black
People steppin' over you, you feel like a place mat, fuck
And let me make it clear, God is the only one that I've ever feared
But you start to get paranoid and look over your shoulder
When these people have been hurtin' you for so many years

So I had to escape, if you're listenin', I know that you relate
It's that feelin' that you get like your life and existence was all just one big mistake
I felt trapped, and I couldn't find space, I went and got lost in the things I create
Ever since I was a kid, people hated, and they judged everything that I did
So I went into my mind and created the abyss, man, I swear I did it

How the hell y'all think I make all these hits?
It's 'cause I've been broken, beaten, dragged, laughed at, scorned, burned and kicked
So I get to reach in this endless pit of hurt and pain from all that shit
And that's the only reason that you people come here
Or for God's sake, even know that Dax exists

This how it feels to drown
This is how it looks when you're lost, and you can't be found
The abyss was a place I'd visit, but I went so much that I'm gone, and I'm stuck here now
This is not music, this is not dope (help me)
This is me beggin' y'all to throw me a rope (help me!)
So I can try to climb out the place where I came in my life when I spiraled and first lost hope

Let me explain
I've been Dax so long, I get PTSD when somebody says my real name
But I guess that's the price you pay
I didn't want it to be like this
But I guess it is what it is inside the abyss