16

Your girlfriend wants to take me to yoga class
And you want me to stop cutting myself in the bathtub
The hospital wants to let my mother go home
I said "I won't give consent for that over the phone"

I smoke a big bowl in my car all alone
I get really high
And cry to a stupid song
I work at the mall where I sell nice perfume
I say "this one would be lovely for you"

You corner me daily in the kitchenette
You say "have you eaten enough today yet?"
And I always say yes and we know that I'm lying
I let you fall silent
We pretend that you're trying
"I don't know what to do with you"
You say it often
Almost sounds like a good excuse
For doing nothing

I call the police on my mom again
I bring her yoga pants
Without the drawstring in
I buy another plant for the corner of my room
I don't think it'll make it but I guess I'm speaking too soon

Inexplicably I keep waking up
I keep walking forward into the dusk
I'm absolving I'm forgiving I don't care who's deserving
I'll come later with a hammer and break open my burden