July (Part One)

I sat down with her, and she told me her story
And I told her I loved her
And I just wanted to support her through her recovery
And through conversations I listened
And I feel like this is the best way to interpret what she told me

The devil found a clever way to infiltrate and bring his manipulation
A slender blonde in a cocktail dress
Struggling through the intoxication
Brought on by the gifting of drinks
Until she was ready to pay back in the bedroom
In search to appease the demons in her head
On a sterile surface in the bathroom
Looking into a half-cracked, half-filthy mirror
Hoping she doesn't reflect that half-cracked
And half-filthy receding stain of a smile her mother made when she left
Because the promises she made to herself
Seemed to be the hardest ones to keep
And knowing she survived the last storm
Was no longer all she needed to be able to fall asleep

Vacant wine glasses and late night crashes symbolic of her vessel
With no presentation at the palate
But a spirit starving for remembrance
Some sort of legacy other than her occupation
'Cause her normal skin looked like silk but had been masked by vengeance
Baggage under her eyes deep within her overcompensating lies
And all she saw when she gazed into the endless skies
Was regret from that manipulation
This life of sleeping through the static of practice
For the everlasting rush she hoped for
She was somewhat ecstatic but not for the first time
'Cause this was reminiscent of those times
That she would have those late night drives
Those moments when she would look back and say
"How did I get here?"
Those moments when she would look at old childhood photos and say
"How did that child grow up to be like this?
When did I dismiss the morals that I subscribe to?
I don't know what to do"

And she looks at photos of her beautiful mother in her youth
And is envious of that smile she had when she was 22
And she wishes she could say the same for herself
But she's living this self-perpetuated hell
'Cause she took the literal stains and the literal scars
And turned them into emotional drain and then she fell apart

I've never really been one
For taking second chances on times that I've been broken
But sometimes forgiveness needs to be put in place
For someone to actually grow from these negative emotions
And all that constructive use of the pain is thrown at you
It's the only way that you can find refuge
So I'm gonna tell you this, darling
Every time you tell yourself you're not worth it
Every time you tell yourself you're worthless
You're being lied to
And in that case, the liar is you